It’s 2006. David, an eighth grader destined for emo stardom, sits in his darkened bedroom, hunched over his desk. Is he writing song lyrics? Penning poetry? Doodling pierced hearts and broken wings around phrases like ‘I wrote your name in scars because ink fades’? No. He’s got more important work to do: creating the perfect setlist for his band, Limousine to Purgatory.
Tears Don’t Fall – Bullet For My Valentine
The screaming wrecks David’s vocal cords, but it’s not about him – his best friend Steven has just learned to double pedal and the world needs to know. David would die for Steven – a hoarse voice is but a small sacrifice.
Basket Case – Green Day
‘Do you have the time to listen to me whine?’ David’s little sister sings the famous opening line at him whenever he’s getting philosophical. She’s a philistine who doesn’t appreciate his emotional depth. So in revenge he wipes her Juicy Tubes lipgloss on the inside of the trash can when she’s not looking.
Enter Sandman – Metallica
A seminal work that David says has been co-opted by posers – every teen band is playing it these days. But do any of them even know what it’s about? Yup. You guessed it. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. David knows. He loves songs about death. They make him feel alive.
Hurt – Nine Inch Nails
David is in English class. A girl puts her earbud in his ear and tells him to listen. He freezes. Does she…like him? She’s listening to Hurt by Johnny Cash. Seizing his chance to flirt, he playfully teases her by explaining that Cash didn’t actually write Hurt – if anything he sanitised it for the commercial marke- oh. She’s gone.
Welcome To The Black Parade – My Chemical Romance
The ultimate emo anthem. From the ultimate emo album. Is there anything more emo than a concept album written amidst mental health struggles in a creepy mansion about a man dying of cancer?
Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
It’s not just on his setlist because it’s easy to play, okay? Anyone who actually knows music will tell you that 90s grunge inspired the emo revival which inspired the kind of music David’s into right now.*
*He doesn’t like to call his music taste emo because he finds that label reductive.**
**He is as emo as it gets.
David’s One-Man Band (F*ck You, Steven), Underbelly Cowgate, 31 Jul-25 Aug (not 13), 4.10pm