Ahhh, the sun is finally down… I can awake!
I am The Master, and I love blood.
Mmm… blood.
It’s about to get spooky, Edinburghs. Very spooky.
Gregor, my loyal servant, prepares my cape and my red rose – always fresh, always slightly damp.
I slip into my tights and black gloves, feeling ready to enter the Gothic night. In Goth we trust!
First: coffee. With a drop of fresh blood. A long red.
Mmm… blood.
I take my evening walk through my favourite park, The Meadows – pausing to use the outdoor gym and work on my abs. I’m a strong vampire. I must maintain my bat-form core. You try hanging upside-down for six hours!
Uh oh! I ask a few passersby about their blood type to see what’s trending. Then I call on Gregor to lead me towards The Banshee Labyrinth.
We lurk a while in Greyfriars Kirkyard. It’s important to feel close to death.
I find my favourite tombstone and write in my diary:
Dear vampire diary,
Edinburgh is spooky tonight – just like she liked.
The moon shines over me.
Someone’s watching… spooky as ever.
I miss her. She gave me my love for the spooky…
and this rose, still fresh in my hand.
She’s gone.
But spooky stays.
The night calls to me. The Ritual awaits.
I arrive at The Banshee Labyrinth – my lair, the spookiest place in all of the Scotlands.
I peek into the Cinema Room to see what scary delights are showing tonight.
Nosferatu. My great-uncle.
Our gatekeeper, Emelie, invites us in and guides us down, down, into The Chamber. Prepared for my long-awaited return.
Oh hi, Molly. I didn’t see it was you.
Gregor scours every corner of the Labyrinth to ensure no hunters have laid traps for us, as they did in 1732.
What the–?
The participants of tonight’s Ritual are led down into The Chamber. Every seat is filled.
As the strains of some very spooky music rise to a tumescent crescendo, Gregor begins drumming. I know it is about to begin.
Soon I shall arrive.
I’m thinking of blood again.
Mmm… I love blood. It’s so tasty. Please offer me blood if you ever see me.
I must continue preparations. Before I make my entrance, everything must be perfect.
I will accept nothing less than the spookiest.
The spookiest thing you will ever see. Prepare yourself.
It’s nearly midnight.
But before I change into a bat and fly to the top of the spookiest castle in Edinburgh (you know which one, yes?) – I will stop by Stamptown and spook Jacks Tucker.
They must invite me in.
After flying above the city for a while, the sun is nearly up.
What a night.
Another spooky night in Edinburgh.
Gregor prepares the coffin. It’s time to rest.
Tomorrow, we go again.
The Ritual awaits…
The Ritual, PBH’s Free Fringe @ Banshee Labyrinth, 2-24 Aug (not 11, 12, 18), 8.35pm