Hey mates! It’s your favourite party boy Big Mike here. Looking for love this summertime? I sure am! I was in a relationship for twenty years and now I’m back on the market – my best mate DJ JayJay just set me up on Tinder (thanks mate!!)
Call me old fashioned, but I like to provide – Trouble is, dating has got EXXY since 2009! So what’s a bloke to do? Big Mike and DJ JayJay have got your back!! Here are our top 5 dating hacks for a single man on a budget!
Swipe right on a comedian! If she swipes back, you’ve hit the jackpot! Not only is she FUNNY, she’s also BUSY. Instead of picking up the bill, offer to pick up the slack! Date suggestions: drive her to gigs, hand out her show flyers, carry her props, go on coffee runs to Everything Brewtiful ‘cos she’s beautiful, or be an intimidating presence between her and male comedians. Possibilities are endless!
Beats, raps and matching tatts! Take her to Gluttony! It’s such a vibe and entry is FREE. Hang out by The Fantail portapotties for some sick muffled beats. You might even spot DJ JayJay wandering the grounds. He’s an improv rap LEGEND and can write you and your sweetheart a FREE custom rap, so romantic! (And if your paycheck comes through early, fuck iiiittttt! Splurge on matching tatts at Pig Skin Tattoo Collective!)
Pay-as-you-can street entertainment! Fill your pockets with all your cash and coins and take her for a romantic promenade down Rundle Street! It’s absolutely brimming with CULTURE. One time I saw a guy juggle KNIVES on a unicycle… and my date got to throw one at him! It was so sick!
Wine and wine her! Fellow hospo boyz, take advantage of those employee BENEFITS. Invite her over to work for knock-off drinks! If your employer isn’t supplying, swing by the bottle-o for a nice box of merlot and set up some milk crates out the back. Romantic as.
Get wet together! It’s practically FREE! The bus to Glenelg is only $2.25 if she’s a pensioner!
Beat Boyz: Best House Party Ever, Gluttony, 24 Feb-1 Mar, 10pm