I wake up. Late. After 10am as per usual.
Any time after 10am, already late to life, as we say in show business.
Open the windows. Let the day in before the day lets you down, as we say in show business.
First thing that enters my mouth is hot coffee, black, as we do in show business.
I stand at the window and think: today is going to be my big break.
Then, as per usual, I check the mailbox. Another rejection letter.
Yes, my life hasn’t always been glorious. I went to drama school, and when I came out of it, the world wasn’t ready for me.
I’d been hearing about this woman for weeks. You know how it is in this business, names travel. Important names get whispered across tables and passed between girls in audition waiting rooms, while we’re all pretending we’re not each other’s rivals.
Susana Montenegro Ramirez Rigadezza.
Marketing genius, they say. A woman capable of making dreams come true. Some people call her a witch. They say she’s bad news. Said to stay away. But all I hear is the word capable. Something I’m not.
By 13:13, I’m out the door.
I ask around and nobody knows where to find her. Then, a woman in a yellow velvet cloak whispers: “Left round the curb. Right. Left. Up the hill. The black house. The one with the red door.”
COLD TALENT PRODUCTIONS. Engraved on the door.
I don’t know what to expect. An ugly old witch, maybe. Long nails and a black cat. What I get is a casting office. Photos of faces, bodies, all types, all frozen mid-expression covering every wall. And behind a desk: a blonde woman. Perfect. Thin cigarette in hand and smoke softly leaving her mouth.
“You must be desperate,” she says.
What am I going to say? No?
She tells me she can smell the future. That I will be the most desirable, the most unforgettable, mesmerising and delicious woman.
She slides a contract across the desk.
Eternal youth. Frozen at twenty-five. No ageing. No disease. No pain. In exchange, between auditions, I’m to be kept in the freezer. Susana will make adjustments. A bit more here and a bit less there. Everything firm with an hourglass figure. It’s very important that the package is right.
“All you have to do is sign here… in blood”
Maya Ricote: Ay Am!, Pleasance Courtyard, until 30 Aug (not 25), 10.40pm