How many books by Roger Prick do you have in stock?
I am unable to answer that question without putting us at risk from prosecution under the 1959 Obscene Publications Act.
Who is the best erotic novelist in history and why is it Roger Prick?
One thinks first of Catullus, of course, perhaps more recently de Sade, but Prick has very much ploughed a furrow in the pornographic canon. Joyce was more disgusting than erotic, Donleavy merely perverted – only Prick stands proud above the rest.
Can you smoke cigars in the shop and if not, please explain yourselves.
I can, you can’t, and I never apologise, never explain.
I see recently you held an all-night bookshop fundraiser. What time would you say was the best to read an erotic novel?
7am on the bus, in full view of the commuters.
I’ve recently been getting acquainted with feminist literature. Which feminist writer would you say is the fittest?
Alison Bechdel is notoriously preoccupied with fitness, we stock her book The Secret to Superhuman Strength. But if you just mean who’s hot then it’s Nan Shepherd – just look at the five pound note. That hair, that diadem, wow!
I’ve also been learning about zines. I’ve made one of my own full of erotic self-portraits. I imagine you will be interested in stocking it in the shop. I’ll have my people send an invoice ASAP.
We’ll need to arrange terms first, and disinfect the scanner on our risograph machine immediately after.
As an independent bookshop, what would you recommend authors do when they come under public scrutiny for being sexist, lewd and a little over-promiscuous? Asking for a friend.
Just double down. Everyone loves it when authors do that.
Do you stock any Jilly Cooper and if so please can you put a note by her books stating that whatever she wrote about me in her author’s foreword is absolutely NOT TRUE.
You know fine well it’s ALL TRUE.
Do you have CCTV footage of how I behaved at your last authors’ social and if so can you delete it?
We have it in our archives on 8mm film – thank god there’s no sound. We’ll be holding onto it for insurance.
Roger Prick: Sexopolis, Underbelly Cowgate, until 30 Aug (not 25), 6.55pm
Typewronger Books, 22 Bruntsfield Pl, Edinburgh EH10 4HN, open 11am-9pm daily